The 2020 CovidCut

It’s no secret that I like my hair short. Even growing up, my mother and I would battle it out about when to get a haircut. Wearing helmets to ride two-wheeled contraptions has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I try to avoid overt “helmet hair”, which is that lovely looking mushroom hairdo after wearing a helmet for even a short amount of time. The only real solution is to keep your hair super short or super long. Short hair doesn’t bend much underneath the helmet. Long hair is easily tightened and moved out-of-the-way.

After three weeks of lockdown, my hair was just getting bushy and unruly. Given the shelter in place orders were in place through the end of the month, a haircut was very unlikely. I’d never cut my hair. I was really curious to try it. I was worried what happens if I get it wrong? I guess the good thing about quarantine is that no one really will see me for another four weeks. I’d just have to wear a hat on Zoom calls and whenever I looked myself in the mirror.

I started doing some research and tried to find the most straightforward video I could find on how to cut hair by yourself if there were many videos walking through sophisticated fading techniques that just felt too high above my pay grade. Usually, my haircut is pretty simple:

It’s no secret that I like my hair short. Even growing up, my mother and I would battle it out about when to get a haircut. Wearing helmets to ride two-wheeled contraptions has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I try to avoid overt “helmet hair”, which is that lovely looking mushroom hairdo after wearing a helmet for even a short amount of time. The only real solution is to keep your hair super short or super long. Short hair doesn’t bend much underneath the helmet. Long hair is easily tightened and moved out-of-the-way.

After three weeks of lockdown, my hair was just getting bushy and unruly. Given the shelter in place orders were in place through the end of the month, a haircut was very unlikely. I’d never cut my hair. I was really curious to try it. I was worried what happens if I get it wrong? I guess the good thing about quarantine is that no one really will see me for another four weeks. I’d just have to wear a hat on Zoom calls and whenever I looked myself in the mirror.

Warning: Go slow. Once hair is gone, it’s weeks to get it back!

I started doing some research and tried to find the most straightforward video I could find on how to cut hair by yourself if there were many videos walking through sophisticated fading techniques that just felt too high above my pay grade. Usually, my haircut is pretty simple:

  • Three on top
  • Two on the sides
  • Sideburns all the way up
  • Fade in the back

I stumbled upon this video and said “I can do this!”

I stumbled across various contraptions to cut my hair and finally settled on a pair of clippers. I wanted something flexible with different sized guards. I also know that a corded model doesn’t show battery fade since this will be an item I use rather infrequently. The Conair Number Cut 20 – Piece Haircut Kit seemed to fit the bill. The two key pieces I was looking for were the tapered ear cards making the white wall around the ear easy to do.

Due to the coronavirus pandemic, Amazon is prioritizing essential items for delivery. Clippers are not considered essential and would likely be another month out. I was able to order the clippers from Conair directly. The unit cost a few bucks more but showed up in three days. It seems like coronavirus only lives for about three days outside the body. When the clippers arrived, I set the package to sit the required 72 hours before attempting the haircut.

I found the video above pretty straightforward. When I first started cutting my hair, the clippers quickly jammed. Changing the guard from a three to a six rapidly mitigated that problem. I could then re-cut the top of my hair with the three without issue.

I decided to skip the fade on the side blending a number two into a number three. The haircut in the video looked good enough for the pandemic and I wasn’t willing to risk royally screwing that up. Trimming my sideburns required me to wear contacts as using the clippers without glasses was also a risk I wasn’t ready to take. Cutting a clean line across my neck was a bit of a leap of faith. Again, good enough for the pandemic.

Note: Put a barrier around your neck to keep the hair off your skin. It makes cleanup easier #lessonsLearned.

I was surprised by how easy it was. As my haircut came closer and closer into focus, I realized all of the little tips and tricks my stylist does that I hadn’t paid super close attention to. They will trim up by the temples. Sometimes they put a bigger white wall around the ears. The tapering in the back is considerably more work. As to the original list, I was able to get half of the items checked off. Maybe next time I can go three for four!

When I was done, I posted the finished haircut on social media. Of all the things I’ve posted in the past ten years, my haircut likely was in the top three. Never mind coming out, motorcycle rides to crazy places, major accomplishments at work. My hair cut got an insane number of likes. Why? I have no clue. Maybe people admired my bravery or stupidity of taking clippers to my own head.

Either way, I think I look pretty damn good being quarantined in my own house!

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